Summary of Working for Wee Care

Gretchen Ryan with us

We have been working 4 and 5 day shifts at Wee Care for these past few weeks. While working 5 days is hardly impressive, it seems to be particularly exhausting, because we're just getting the hang of the schedule. For the most part, we wait until the shift leaders tell us what to do. We're slightly more useful than the "off the street" volunteers, because we can change nappies, bathe, and medicate the kids, as needed.

 

You can see some pictures of the facility of Wee Care here

http://jkschaub.blogspot.com/2011/02/mothers-choice-wee-care.html 

Childcare is so interesting. Honestly, neither of us have had to do much caring for children, other than cuddling the dear babies in our lives. We had to be "evaluated" in each step of childcare before the caretakers would let us do the tasks on our own. It's especially intimidating to have someone lecturing you while you're bathing a child. Some of the kids have particular needs, such as hypoallergenic soaps or specialized techniques in bathing, so it's important that we received the appropriate training.

 

We have both gotten better at changing nappies, but I have not escaped without mishap. Fortunately, there haven't been any projectile presents, but a few kids have "poured us a cup of tea" when we've removed the old nappie and have moved to replace it with the new one. Sometimes, I have to replace the latter with another, since it is now also used. I have also marveled at how completely and deeply "BO" can become stuck into every crevasse. I have also been horrified to find out how difficult it is to clean -- from the body, from clothing, and from changing pads. We spray our pads with a sanitizing alcohol solution after each child, and sometimes, I soak that thing! 

 

I have had a time learning to dress a moving subject. Their arms and legs - and torsos and heads - move rather quickly, and I usually end up with a bunched up article of clothing and a child rapidly scooting to the other side of the changing mat. I have found that the kids love looking at themselves in the mirror, and if you can distract them, then you can quickly pop the shirt over their heads. I haven't mastered the pant legs part, and the kids usually have the legs of the pants twisted around their ankles a few times before I can coax it up their legs.

 

Feeding the kids is a marathon in patience. Several of the children have different abilities in swallowing, and their meals are softened and pureed according to their abilities to eat the items. Sometimes the foods appear amazingly unappetizing. The foods the kids eat are mostly Chinese-style with lots of rice, rice porridge (called Congee), fish, mushrooms, and some chicken. The foods are prepared with much less soy sauce and marinades than you would find in a corresponding adult meal, so they fit within the general nutrition guidelines for children. I've had the opportunity over the last couple of days to look at the menus, but honestly, the menu is so different than the ones I've consulted and created that it's challenging to make suggestions.

 

We've really started attaching to some of the kids. Natalie, who has now been at MC about 7 weeks, has made some amazing improvements. She seeks out walking, and she leans against the wall and claps her hands. I wear the same maroon fleece every day, and she actually looks at me and away from her caretaker-du-jour to see what I'm doing. 

The full time OT has started introducing oral feeding, and she hopes that Natalie will be able to eat soft food soon. I sat in on one session with Natalie, and it's amazing to see how far she's come. Now, she won't always cringe away from you, and if you talk to her loudly in soothing tones, she tends to respond to you. She loves the pat-a-cake rhyme and will grasp my hands to clap them together if I stop chanting the rhyme. Yesterday, when I did pat-a-cake for the last time, she put her hands to the ground during the "pat it" part, and placed her hands next to each other when I said "put it in the oven." Then, when I said "for baby and meeeeee," I caught a quick but very broad grin from her. Sometimes, when I started the rhyme, she would quirk one corner of her lip into a small smile. I hope she thrives while she is at MC, and I hope a family is matched to her soon. 

 

Joel is still a very active - arguably hyperactive - boy with lots of strength and energy. The weather had improved a little over the last few weeks, so we were able to take the kids outdoors. It's great to see him running around. He likes to carry books around, so even though we were at the park, he was still clutching a book to his chest. Yesterday, he poured his water on his book, which resulted in my rather swift reaction of returning him to his stroller, since we were on an outing, to which he responded by thrashing. I got really close to him and said he could either sit properly at the table or sit in the stroller for lunch. He calmed down and went back to his chair. He does all right when he is given choices, but what we've learned - and Josh is much better than I about this - is that he needs consistent and calm, yet firm, response to his actions. Sometimes, I have to just sit down and let someone else take over. I would like to scold him, but I know he can't really understand me, understand the issue, or really change. Despite my frustrations with him, I have learned so much about caring for a child even when his behavioral challenges seem insurmountable at times. He can be so tender and loving, and I know that he just needs affection. It will be good for him if he can move to a program that engages him a bit more -- something designed for older children with special needs. He is almost five, is much larger than some of the kids, and does really well when you've exercised him or personally continually engaged him. 

 

Tanya still falls asleep when you feed her. She's really cute. She smiles so widely that her eyes squish into crescents, and you can almost count her baby teeth. She loves her reflection and does a gleeful, giggly bouncing when she sits in front of the mirror. She does this funny sucking thing, which from the speech therapy perspective is not good, that looks like she's rolled her tongue and is sticking it out and sucking on it. Because her tongue gets in the way of eating, it takes a long time for her to move food to the back of her throat to swallow. Her food is usually pureed to the texture of mashed bananas, and sometimes it looks extremely unappetizing. 

Ryan is another boy with soft foods. He really likes to feed himself, but he's not really coordinated enough. He mostly stabs the spoon into his bowl, causing the contents to slosh over my hand, if the food is liquid. After feeding him, I usually have to go to the washroom and pick out pieces of food from my hair, eyebrows, and cheek. My pants, given to me by MC, have permanent food crusts on the knee and upper quads area, because we sort of straddle the high chairs, which are set low to the ground. I fed him one day while others were moving about, so he kept looking all around. I had just put a spoon to his lip, when he suddenly turned his head. The food went across his face, and a good amount of it went into his ear. Yeeech!  Apparently, I was planning on bathing him after lunch. 

 

We gained a new boy, too. Kevin came from one of the hospitals, and he is really a sweet baby. He had a cleft lip, but the surgeons did a fantastic job with him. He eats about 6 or 8 oz of food at each meal and does great. He also has really large eyes... not quite like an anime cartoon, but along those lines. He really loves being held, so when you lay him down to nap, he'll scream pretty thoroughly. We had a hard time getting him to sleep on Wednesday -- one volunteer spent a whole hour with him, and by the time he fell asleep, it was snack time, and a staff member roused him. He recommenced his screaming for about 15 minutes. It was a little bit frustrating that they didn't let him sleep, but the volunteer (also a "foreigner") and I agreed that it was probably because they had to keep the kids on the schedule. When he's awake and happy, he does this little squeaky "eh-heh!" sound often. It's really adorable. He's fun to carry, but he gets heavy, as does anything about 20lbs when it's held for 15 min or more. 

 

Josh gave his presentation on Thursday. He presented on "Family Relationships" a very vague term. He chose to talk about the purpose of the family, the functions, properties of dysfunctional families, a comparison between Chinese and American family culture, and some positive ways to improve family relationships. He did a good job. A few of the pregnant girls from the hostel came to the presentation, too. I think it was good for them to hear, even if they did not all want to be there. We also had an interesting discussion with the group about the difference between punishing your child so he does better (on exams in the future) or encouraging her to do better. A few of the Chinese participants explained that their parents would punish them - yell, discipline, force them to study rather than do other activities, or even spank - when they did not produce the results expected. That's pretty different than America... but is it wrong?

We have gotten to where we recognize the kids' cries and laughs, and I can actually tell if the kids are just making a scene or are hurting. I can actually tell if Yonah (Jonas) is crying by listening to the monitoring system in the main room when he is in the other room. He can sometimes be a bit of a cry-baby, because he knows that volunteers will pick up a crying child and cuddle him. Sometimes, I wonder if we should let them cry for a minute longer just so they don't think we'll pick them up within 5 seconds of the first wail. It's hard to respond appropriately, because the volunteer staff and full time staff are numerous and change daily, so the kids receive a different response every time they do something. For Joel, he can find himself scolded thoroughly or coddled for doing the same behavior. The inconsistency isn't the greatest for the kids, but we're so pleased to see that there are so many volunteers who want to help these kids and love them for the times they're here.

 

We've had the wonderful opportunity to meet some of the people my parents have worked with over the years. It has been so special to see the positive impact my parents have had on the community and the churches here. It was also fun to share with them about the things my family has done since leaving HK. And it was such a joy to introduce Josh to them and to share our adult lives with them. Gretchen, a social worker who has worked with MC for years, pointed out that my mom was one of the founding women of the Adopted Families of Hong Kong (called the Adoption Support Group then). The organization now is run by three women, including Gretchen, and exists to support other adoptive families in their trials and triumphs. We attended a guest speaker event about ADHD and Attachment Disorder in kids. The speaker was trying to share the differences between ADHD and symptoms of attachment issues in adopted kids. It was educational and interesting to think that some of the diagnoses for disorders may actually be symptoms of other seemingly unrelated conditions. 

Our last day of work was yesterday, Saturday, and it was surprisingly difficult and easy to leave. I think the difficulty comes from having a genuine care for what happens to the children. We visited the Adoption Services office in Tsim Sha Tsui (think t-soy) and had a chance to speak with one of the social workers who works on the adoptions. She showed us pictures of families that have adopted kids from MC. The organization really prefers that the western families adopt special needs children, and most of the pictures we saw were of families from America. There were a few from Washington state, but really, the families came from all over. Some of them had grown or older children, some of them already had a child with special needs, and for some, the babies they adopted were their first. A few notable families returned to adopt a second or third child from MC. 

While we can fool ourselves into thinking that the babies and young children who are adopted are overwhelmed with gratitude and are sure to be well behaved, we know that any adopted child and family has to go through the experience of adjusting to new lives and lifestyles. Some of the kids have an easier time than others. Even knowing the potential challenges that the forever families will face, it is such a joy to see the children moving to homes where they will be given forever identities. I have been following a blog of a mom who recently adopted a three-year-old, and her stories about the pleasures and some of the pains of older adoption are poignant but joyful at the same time.  You're struck by her deep love for her daughter and the determination to help her along in her adjustment period. The pain in her writing is underscored by the knowledge that the situation will get better and that the little girl will become close to them. I am moved by the families that choose to adopt... and I am struck by a new sense of wonder and love for my family. I don't know how my adjustment period was -- my parents think I glommed pretty quickly and that my "countenance changed" from sad to happy, I assume, "within a week." 

We have just one week left in Hong Kong. We're not working for that week, so we hope to return to a few places we enjoyed touring. I'm also giving a presentation at the Union Church about nutrition. I have also agreed to be on a "panel" for teens who have questions about adoption. So... during our week off, Kimberly has already volunteered to do all sorts of stuff! Does that surprise anyone?

Central District and reclaimed land, Hong Kong

We are looking forward to our return to Seattle. Josh mentioned yesterday that it would be weird to be back in Seattle. We have gotten so adjusted here. I will miss the bustle and crowds. The tall buildings and tiny spaces are somewhat familiar to me, and I will miss that. I agree with a few of our family-friends here: Hong Kong is my birthplace and I am a Hongkonger.  At the same time, we have dear family and friends in Seattle whom we're anticipating spending time with and from whom we will receive lots of gifts (just checking to see who's reading). I also want to finish my culinary arts program, because it is extremely interesting and so much fun (and hard work). I have been itching to get a job at a restaurant and maybe get involved in some other things, too. Josh wants to get back to REI and start training for his climb of Mt. Ranier. 

Seattle

 

Thanks for following our journey into Hong Kong. I will continue writing a few things about HK when we get back, mostly about the food. Read those posts on Peas On Moss.  Thanks also for your emotional and financial support while we work at MC and connect with a little piece of my past. See you in the Emerald City soon!